What Doesn't Kill You, Will Leave A Scar
by Valentina LaFontaine
Summary: To Jax, Tara was the selfish one. Putting what she wanted before him. He had everything in Charming. Money, family, power and women. What was there for him in San Diego?


_Take this one shot with a grain of salt. This is my interpetation of how Tara broke the news to Jax. I tried a fairly new style of a third person narrative. Hopefully it works well._  
_Enjoy. :) _

_I sadly do not own any of the characters mentioned. They all belong to Mr. Kurt Sutter. :( _

_Val._

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Jax sat down in his favorite black leather chair at the clubhouse, as he inhaled the scent of his own cigarette burning into the crisp air of the approaching fall. He took another drag subconsciously and exhaled. His mind was racing so fast about the girl he had been seeing for the past couple of years. She said wanted to talk to him, but she didn't say about what. He wasn't worried, he just hated being kept in the dark about anything, especially about how she was feeling.

Ever since he saw the brunette girl in his Geometry class in high school, he wanted to see what was in that head of hers and ever since they started dating, he had to pry the secrets that she kept from him. She wasn't one of those girls who had to tell the entire world her darkest secrets. Tara wasn't an open book and now there was one secret that she had been keeping from him.

He knew she was getting restless with her life in Charming. She didn't have the small town mind set that every other citizens of Charming was born with. Everyone who lived here was born, raised and settled their family here and it continued on for several generations. Nothing but Mom and Pop businesses and clothes that were copied right out of the JC Pennys catalog. Jax never thought about moving even to a neighboring town, but then again why would he? Here he was Prince of Charming. All the women he came across would bend to his will. Bark if he told them to and would fight each other to sleep with him. Jax would often wake up and take one look at himself in the mirror and be impressed. It would only be a matter of time until he could become President and have Charming in the palm of his hand.

When he would clench his fist everyone in Charming could feel the muscles in his hand tensing. He only wanted Tara to be by his side and be his old lady forever. As selfish as it sounded he wanted Tara to snap out of her dreams of becoming a doctor and deal with where she was. Jax figured it would take a little time but eventually she would get used to it. He wondered what was wrong with staying at home and taking care of the kids. Or even if she wanted to have a career, she could be a nurse at Saint Thomas. His mother did the had no qualm raising a family, and Tara could do the same. Jax knew he kept saying she could to mask the fact that she just wouldn't at this time.

Jax was deep into his thoughts, that he didn't feel a pale arm wrap around his neck. He jumped a bit but saw a few strands of brown hair fall down on his blond hair and into his face. He looked up and saw the face that he wanted to see. Tara's face looked strained and tired, but she forced a smile upon her face. He smiled at her and kissed those pink lips of hers, but she didn't kiss him back. Not like how he was used to. "Hey." he said.

She only smiled half way and took a seat from a chair across from him. Jax frowned in confusion. She always sat next to him or perhaps even closer to him. Now she was so far away. He couldn't smell the fruity shampoo she used in the morning, nor her soft skin against his cheek.

She was too far away for comfort.

Tara squirmed uncomfortably and looked at the floor where her pink flats were placed. She ran her fingers through her hair and pushed her hair over to one side and twiddled her thumbs. Jax knew that was a bad sign. When she was nervous she always twiddled her thumbs.

"What?" Jax asked, immediately knowing the two things she was going to say next. Tara sighed, shook her head. "I'm leaving Charming, Jax." she said quickly. She wanted to make sure the words came out and she wouldn't back away like she had been doing for the past few weeks. The news hit Jax like a ton of bricks had fallen on his back. He couldn't even speak or even look her in the eyes. He looked at the glass table in front of him and put out his cigarette in the almost filled ash tray and lit up another cigarette while he wait for Tara to continue. She remained silent for a few minutes and eventually said. "I'm going to leave for San Diego tomorrow."

Jax couldn't look at her, if she did she would see the hurt he had been so careful to hide. "I want you to come with me." she stated softly. Jax's eyebrow raised and his eyes looked dead into her eyes. He wasn't hurt now, just angry. The one girl he spent most of his time loving didn't want him anymore. To Jax, Tara was the selfish one. Putting what she wanted before him. He had everything in Charming. Money, family, power and women. What was there for him in San Diego?

College?

A nine to five job managing a grocery store?

He shook his head. "Why?" he asked.

Tara seemed to be taken back at first. She could see the levels of anger rising in the man she once loved. She wasn't exactly scared but more nervous of what to say next. "So we can be together." she said.

"But why San Diego?" Jax asked with a eyebrow raised. "Can't you just do what you want to do here?"

Tara shook her head. "I can't. Jax, this town is too...small for me." Jax figured she was only putting what she wanted to say nicely. Jax had a sudden burst of anger rush through his veins that was almost as cold as his thoughts. "Cut the shit." Jax said, tightening his jaw and taking a long drag from his cigarette. "What do you really mean?"

Tara straightened her spine, still recovering from the sudden outburst from her lover. She pushed a strand of hair back. "Uh," she said hesitating at first then mustered up the courage. "Well, this town is small minded, incestuous and stuck in the sixties. You have to travel several miles to get to a damn mall. Jax, I don't want that for me. I want to expand myself. I don't want to become one of these female robots whose only joy in life is pampering their man and taking care of their children. I have dreams and goals Jax. Can't you see that?"

"Yeah, yeah." Jax said, waving his hand off at her. "So that's how you really feel, huh?" he said, clenching the hand that wasn't holding the cigarette into a fist. "I'm glad you're going." Jax didn't mean it but he had to make himself feel better in order to mend the situation. But every crushing word he unleashed upon her only made him feel two times worse than she did. "Now nothing is holding me back. We both can start over no baggage. Any of these bitches are dying to be with me. So go I don't give a shit."

"Don't be like this." Tara said holding back burning tears. Tara wanted him to understand. Even if he didn't follow her, all she wanted was his support. However he took it as a hit to his pride. She was the old lady to the soon to be leader of a motorcycle gang. The Sons had Charming in the palm of it's hand. What more could any woman want? Tara however didn't think like them, or so much as wanted to be them. Even if she did stay she would be like a snowball in hell.

"Why not?" Jax asked. "I mean it, I couldn't be happier that you're leaving." Jax said forcing a smile on his face. "I would've dumped you by the way side anyway. We're better off this way. So fuck it." he finished trying his best to keep the grin up.

Tara was frozen solid and shook her head, tears now falling down her face. She inhaled and exhaled out through her nose roughly. She wiped away a lone tear that had almost made it to her lips. She ran her shaking hands through her hair and said in a trembling voice. "Then I thank God that I left while I did." She picked herself up and marched out the door nearly pushing a innocently sweet butt passing by out of her way as she ran to catch the next bus.

As she left Jax took another long drag from his cigarette and leaned back in his seat looking up into the ceiling. He stared hard into the discolored ceiling until he became just as lost as the former color in the almost yellow stained ceiling. His stomach was turning and his mind was only focused on one person. Tara. He thought about her so much he was tired of it.

He spent the rest of the night shoving liquor down his throat, and screwing with some girl he could barely remember while he was almost sure that Tara was gathering her money, and packing her clothes to get ready to leave. Jax had to remind himself that he was a free man now.

He was free from dates, fights over him looking at other women, making time for her and the club. Free from awkward dinners with the families, free from making sure not to step over the boundaries of their relationships. He no longer had to worry about if she was going to notice that he wasn't wearing clean clothes he only sprayed it with cologne. No longer having to worry about the stress of making sure he was there on time to pick her up or no longer having to say 'I'm sorry' every time something went sour in the club or his personal life. He was absolutely free from all Earthly human connections and concerns.

Jax wondered that if this was really freedom why didn't he feel free. Tara leaving left holes in his happiness.

He woke up the next morning hung over but sexually relaxed from last nights lay. His nerves were tensed, and his mind still hadn't been cleared from the altercation from his now ex old lady. He pushed his hair out the way and looked over the head of the girl laying next to him. It was almost two o'clock in the afternoon, but he still didn't want to get out of bed. He had only noticed that Chibs was knocking furiously at his door and probably was for the past couple of minutes. If Chibs hadn't bothered, he would have been one of the few Sons to volunteer to stay in bed and miss a day of action.

"Jackie Boy!" Chibs yelled. "Wake up!"

"Alright I hear ya!" Jax yelled back, taking his time to get his feet on the carpet and push the bitch out of his bed. As he dragged himself out of bed he peered into his mirror, and could vomit at his reflection. In the corner of his mirror was a picture of him and Tara on the bike he had gotten as a gift from the club. He grabbed the picture, and was tempted to burn it but instead he tucked it in his drawer.

To him burning the picture would be the same torture as wrapping his hands around the neck of a baby rabbit that did no harm to anyone. He couldn't do it no matter what pushed him to that point in the first place. He looked at his reflection in the mirror once again. Took a large breath in and exhaled it out.

_'What doesn't kill you,'_ Jax thought. _'Will leave a scar.'_

He turned away from his reflection and dragged himself to the bathroom to begin another day in Charming.

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_Alright guys, please leave some feedback?_


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